3 weeks down

Lost: 16 lbs

Gained: A new love for fruit and vegetables.  A feeling of empowerment.  A new confidence.  The ability to say "no." The ability to eliminate (most) excuses. 

Well it has been an interesting few weeks. I feel so DANG good.  I am happy to report that I have not eaten one treat/baked good/sugar soda since I found out.  It feels amazing to gain control over something that has weakened me for so long. 

Once, a long time ago,  someone told me that people who make excuses are useless.  Whether or not that is true,  I think I am finally done with that phase of life.  I know I will have bad days,  but the energy that I feel now having lost this much weight so far is greater than my desire to give in to instant gratification.

Life is good.

I am starting to love my body. 

Reasons

These past couple weeks have been kind of hard. We have all had such stressful, strange schedules that we haven't seemed to have time to get the gym together. I have been using my recumbent bike as much as I can., but I will admit I haven't been too faithful at it.

A couple of weeks ago I made a list of the differences I felt after just one week of working out. I figured I should probably stick it on the blog! I am not exaggerating in any way when I say that things changed DRASTICALLY after just one week. Here's the list.

- I lost 2 pounds.
- My clothes fit looser.
- I had a tremendous amount of energy.
- I was satisfied with only 6-7 hours of sleep a night and didn't feel fatigued or sleepy during the day.
- I was more agile and limber after doing around 300 crunches each time we went.
- I didn't have the cravings for sweet treats that I usually get.
- I was able to easily stay in my calorie range each day.
- Things were better in the [ahem] bedroom.

Those are some major improvements to my life in such a small amount of time. Imagine if I went to the gym for a whole year! I would be a super woman! I am just grateful that I started going and have seen results so quickly. I know that the ultimate goal is weight loss, but honestly the energy boost is almost the best thing so far.

I need to kick it up a notch this week and keep all of these things in mind when I feel myself slipping up on my routine. I will keep you posted! I just got two of the Biggest Loser books and I think I will be posting some of the tips and info here for you all to benefit from!

The Year of Self-Discovery

I have been thinking a lot these past two weeks about what to make of this blog. Do I continue to only have it be about my husband and I's day to day life? Do I include weight-loss in it? Do I make a whole other blog for the weight/exercise area of my life? What to do...

I came to two conclusions. One is that I failed you all last year. I failed myself, also. I took this amazing 365 days of my life and wasted almost every one of them as far as being accountable for my actions weight-wise. I am ashamed to say that not only did I not lose the weight I wanted to last year, I put on almost 20 pounds.

It was a rough 365 days. I was DEPRESSED. I was anxious. I was self-conscious. I was hypocritical. I was in no way my best self. I let my feelings of self-loathing seep in to my marriage and create a small gap between my husband and I. I blamed him for the things that I wasn't doing to keep up with my house. I used my side business against him, using the 2 jobs as a way to make him do everything around the house. He never once complained...which I love him so much for! But I KNOW that I was WRONG to do that! I could go on and on, airing every piece of dirty laundry to you all, but I won't.

Instead, I will ask your forgiveness and ask you to simply keep reading.

 I want this year to be magical! I want to shine and I want to help you shine also! I want to remember who I am, why I am here, and prepare myself emotionally, physically and mentally for my next chapter of life! Parenthood! (No, this is not an announcement! But believe me...when the time comes to announce it you will know!) I want to make these changes with you there as a support system. God put us here on this earth for each other! We are supposed to help, encourage, and love. I want to be that for you, as much as I hope you will be that for me. 

My second conclusion is this...I want to have the blog be an entire synopses of my life. I want to post about all kinds of things: weight loss, feelings of inadequacy, exercise, recipes, religion, love, hope, family, and many, many other things.

I hope you keep reading.
I WILL keep posting.

I'm Back..this time for good.

I took a break.
I shouldn't have taken one, but life got in my way.
I spent the last two months going through some strange things.frustrations.emotions.etc.

Right now I feel the heaviest I have ever felt, not only physically, but emotionally too. I am lethargic, lazy, depressed, anxious, quick to anger, easily annoyed and most of all unhappy with life.

I have absolutely no reason to be this way...I have an amazing husband who loves me and we are beginning to think about starting a family. We laugh, we love, we joke, and most of all we just spend time together. So what gives?!

I am not sure why life has become this way for me, but I refuse to "fix" it with pills, creams, drops, etc. I am not syaing there is anything wrong with those methods, but I really want to find a way to get through this without relying on medication. I want to talk it out, cry, scream, cry some more, eat ice cream, sleep it off, whatever I have to do just be happy again.

The weight loss is taking a break...the therapy is beginning.

I want to be completely honest on this blog. I want to write to help others that may be going through similar things. Therefore, I am declaring this a negative-free zone.

I may at times talk about my faith, my religion, and my spirituality. If you are offended by these topics, you are free to leave the page. You are not free to make negative comments, or disrespect any of the views expressed here. There is something that I have found within me during these dark days, and that is my voice. I will stand up for my beliefs even though most of those around me do not share them. It is time to be true to myself.

Stay tuned as I explore the reasons behind my discouragement with weight and my search for my true self. The happy me that is buried deep down inside somewhere.

Improvement

Starting Weight: 256
Current Weight: 255
Total Loss: 1 lb

Ok...I gained this week...but I know why! I decided after writing my last post that I needed to focus on the "sneaking" and try and overcome it. I can't say that I was 100% successful, but I can say that I tracked and logged EVERY thing I put into my mouth. I used up all of my daily points, and all of my weekly allowance points, but I felt so good because I admitted my actions to myself and to WW.

I may have gained, but this step was crucial to my journey, and I feel incredibly empowered by it. Once I saw the numbers on the scale at weigh in, I immediately knew I needed to make changes in my behavior. I have started implementing them and we will see what happens next week.

Some things I have done to balance my diet are:

• Eat a salad with my dinner so I don't eat too much of the main course where the points are high.
• If I know I am gong to splurge at some point in the day, I organize my other meals accordingly.
• Plan out my meals the night before so I know that if I eat exactly what I planned my points will be gone so there is no room for unnecessary snacking.
  

• Weigh myself half way through the week so that I can get a feel for where I am at, and know if I need to adjust.

Although I gained, I will take it. It is just another step on this road to a healthier me.

wanted to let you all know that I appreciate your support so much. It really helps to know that you are listening and cheering me on. Love you guys. :)

Secrets. And a little loss.

Starting Weight: 256
Current Weight: 253
Total Loss: 3 lbs

First of all, I lost 2 pounds this week. I am pretty happy with that, but I will admit most of it is because I was sick so I didn't eat much. Let me tell you, my hunger has come back with a vengeance! It's like I can't get enough food.. and I don't like it.

Second of all, I have realized something horrible about myself that I must get under control: I am a sneak eater. I will sneak food because I don't want anyone to judge me for it...but it isn't healthy food, and it isn't healthy for me to feel that I need to do that in the first place. Some examples of this unhealthy behavior are: stopping at McDonald's on the way home and eating it in the parking lot, opening a bag of chocolate chips and eating small handfuls throughout the day while hiding the bag in the cupboard so Eli won't see, baking for my "co-workers" but eating half the batch before I take them, buying a box of hostess and eating half of it on my lunch break in the car and throwing the rest away so Eli won't see....notice a pattern? It's always eating unhealthy things and sneaking them so my husband won't find out...but let me tell you, the scale doesn't keep my secret.

I am sure some of you are reading this and thinking that I am a disgusting person...but I am also sure that some of you are feeling relieved, because you secretly do this too. I don't think it is as uncommon as we may believe for people to feel like they want to indulge in private...if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, does it really make a sound? Same concept goes for this situation...if no one sees me eat it, did I really indulge?

Long story short...I want to get rid of his behavior...it is not healthy mentally or physically. I have once again been reading up on my trusty WW blogging community, and I have found a success story that I can really relate too. A woman started WW with this same addiction, and overcame it by stopping and thinking why she wanted to indulge every time the urge came to sneak. She found that it helped her address emotional issues in her life, while improving her results on the scale.

My goal for this week is to do just that, stop in my tracks and really think through what is causing me to want to eat those chips at 2 am while Eli is asleep. I hope I can come back next week with some positive feedback.

I love that this blog is becoming so much more than a weight tracker. I need an outlet, and I'm glad you all stop in to listen. :)

Sick.

After calling in to work on Thursday I calculated in my mind how many times I had been sick in the past six months. 6 times. That's once a month. It's ridiculous. Lately I have felt like as soon as I get over a bout of the flu or a cold, I am sick again.

This 3-day hiatus I have taken from work has not just been about getting better physically. I have taken several hours over the past few days to look at the Weight Watchers website and I have found many success stories that show proof of constant illness as being a result of obesity. It has opened my eyes to the many ways in which this weight is affecting in my life.

I am sick of the guilt that results in my calling in and leaving work early.I am sick of the headaches and body-aches and stuffy noses and mucus and, well, you name it, that are coming from my body not being in a healthy place.

I am sick of the depression and anxiety I feel, and the worry I have that is constantly affecting my daily living, not to mention my marriage. If I were Eli, I wouldn't want to deal with my ups and downs and constant need of reassurance. I know all of these things are physical and mental attributes of being over weight and feeling very insecure. Even though I caught the guy, it doesn't mean he has to stick around.

I feel that I put on a pretty good show, but in all honesty, I am pretty down inside. I love myself, but I sure don't like myself much.

I am sure I will be ridiculed and questioned a million times upon return to Wally World, but the truth is, I needed to take this time to get some things together so that I can steadily work toward a better me. A happier and healthier me, both physically and mentally.

Life is meant to be enjoyed...especially this time of life!
I'm a newly-wed for crying out loud! :)

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Starting weight: 256
Current weight: 255
Total lost: 1 lb

Here I am, a week later and a pound lighter!

I know some of you may be thinking, "one pound..that's all?"

Honestly though, one pound is pretty good considering I have had a hard time adjusting this week.

I started with Teresa on Thursday and we got our accounts set up. I went grocery shopping that night and bought all kinds of yummy healthy food like Oroweat sandwich thins, Kashi GoLean Cereal, fruits, veggies, salad, low-fat cheese and lunch meat, and other healthy treats to help me when I need a snack at night. (My new favorite thing is 94% fat free kettle corn!)

I will say that I stayed on plan about half of the time this week, but I did order pizza with Eli twice, and we went out for Mexican once during that time. I don't know why I am having a little bit of a harder time getting motivated this week, but I am attributing some of it to the gloomy January blues. January makes me all dark and twisty inside, and I long to stay wrapped up in my warm bed all day. This also makes me want to eat continually.

I am going to start doing a workout video that helped me lat year when I was all gung-ho about losing. It's called "Leslie Sansone's Walk Firm and Fast 4 Mile workout," (costs about $9.00 at your local Walmart Super-center.) There are 3 miles that you can walk, with a warm up mile, a fast paced mile, and a mile that includes strength training. The entire video is about 65 minutes long, but you can stop at any time and skip straight to the cool down. I like it because she incorporates various aerobic moves while you are walking so you can tone up at the same time. I plan on beginning that DVD tomorrow, and we will see if that helps at all.

All in all, I am still excited about this journey and I plan to do it wisely...I don't want to lose all of the weight quickly and have it come right back on if I ever cheat or have a bad spell.

I hope you are all still reading and continue to do so...I am loving the posts I write because not only am I weighing in to Teresa, I'm weighing in to the world!

New Journey.

It has been almost 2 full years since I have posted anything. I cannot believe how much my life has changed in the past 20 months. I met and married my best friend Eli Smith, and I have started a wonderful life with him.

I am happy in every aspect of my life, except one. As many of you know I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I have yo-yo'd from sizes 10-20 throughout the past 10 years. I am a very happy person, full of love and laughter, but this part of me, this negativity, has to come to an end.

My mother-in-law Teresa and I are joining Weight Watchers tomorrow and beginning our road to healthier lifestyles. I am going to update this blog weekly to help stay focused throughout my personal journey. Feel free to join me, or to watch as my life transforms throughout the next year.

The beat part of all is that my husband loves me so much the way that I am. He doesn't care if I weigh 95 lbs, or 399 lbs. This is a goal I have set for myself, so that as I begin to prepare to start a family, I can be in a healthier position to carry and take care of a child. I feel that because I am being supprted, and not pushed into this decision, that I will be able to stay focused on my goal and steadily work toward it.

I am ready to make the commitment to live and be healthier.

Here is my "before" picture. I am currently in a size 20, and weigh 256 pounds.
I am not afraid to share this with the world, it's only down hill from here. :)



I will update each Thursday as I weigh in to track my progress as I go, and I will post a picture after every 10 pounds I lose.

See you next week!