No one wants to admit it, but...

...I think that it is easy to become depressed, or anxious, or just plain jealous from the constant grip of social media. How many times on Facebook or Twitter do we see pictures of an old high school friend standing outside of their perfectly manicured giant-sized brand new home? Or perhaps a status update reading: "Hubby just landed the new job he's worked so hard for, complete with a magnificent raise! Thanks, dear for always putting the needs of our family first and working so hard! Now we can start planning that trip to Italy we have always dreamed of!" Or better yet, an old friend holding a baby in a hospital bed with makeup and perfect hair...the whole works...looking like she just got out of a modeling photo shoot, and in your head you are thinking, "Yeah right...I'm sure childbirth was really that good to you."

I may be slightly exaggerating with these descriptions, but you get the point. It is SO hard some days when you feel like everyone else has it better than you. You see these posts and updates revolving around everyone's successes, and it can be hard not to experience a pang of jealousy or a self-loathing thought. You feel like you will never have what it takes to be successful. I am in no way suggesting that people shouldn't post the amazing things happening in their lives to share them with their friends and families, but I do know how hard it can be to hear all of those things when you are in a tight spot financially, going through a divorce, or having medical difficulties.

These thoughts and feelings are normal.  It is perfectly normal to be jealous of that promotion someone else got, that million-dollar house, the dream vacation you have always wanted, or the baby you have been hoping for. Just don't let those feelings take over and allow you to question your own value and success, even if it is smaller in comparison to others. Don't feel SMALL. Don't allow yourself to spend time comparing...go out and make your own path to success.

I deal with depression and anxiety, and it is so easy for me to sit at the computer and watch everyone else live glamorous lives full of vacations and opportunities that I feel I will never get to have. In those times I forget how lucky I am to have such a great husband who loves and protects me. I forget that I have a steady job, and it enables me to pay my bills and put food on my table. I forget how creative and powerful I am if I will just focus on the positive, get off the darn computer, and get something done.

I fear we are wasting time looking into everyone's windows and seeing their accomplishments, instead of going out an accomplishing our own amazing things. I am going to challenge myself the rest of this month to spend at least 2 hours less on the computer a week, and spend that time doing something valuable. I think the extra 2 hours will look good on me, whatever I chose to do with them.

Reasons

These past couple weeks have been kind of hard. We have all had such stressful, strange schedules that we haven't seemed to have time to get the gym together. I have been using my recumbent bike as much as I can., but I will admit I haven't been too faithful at it.

A couple of weeks ago I made a list of the differences I felt after just one week of working out. I figured I should probably stick it on the blog! I am not exaggerating in any way when I say that things changed DRASTICALLY after just one week. Here's the list.

- I lost 2 pounds.
- My clothes fit looser.
- I had a tremendous amount of energy.
- I was satisfied with only 6-7 hours of sleep a night and didn't feel fatigued or sleepy during the day.
- I was more agile and limber after doing around 300 crunches each time we went.
- I didn't have the cravings for sweet treats that I usually get.
- I was able to easily stay in my calorie range each day.
- Things were better in the [ahem] bedroom.

Those are some major improvements to my life in such a small amount of time. Imagine if I went to the gym for a whole year! I would be a super woman! I am just grateful that I started going and have seen results so quickly. I know that the ultimate goal is weight loss, but honestly the energy boost is almost the best thing so far.

I need to kick it up a notch this week and keep all of these things in mind when I feel myself slipping up on my routine. I will keep you posted! I just got two of the Biggest Loser books and I think I will be posting some of the tips and info here for you all to benefit from!

The Year of Self-Discovery

I have been thinking a lot these past two weeks about what to make of this blog. Do I continue to only have it be about my husband and I's day to day life? Do I include weight-loss in it? Do I make a whole other blog for the weight/exercise area of my life? What to do...

I came to two conclusions. One is that I failed you all last year. I failed myself, also. I took this amazing 365 days of my life and wasted almost every one of them as far as being accountable for my actions weight-wise. I am ashamed to say that not only did I not lose the weight I wanted to last year, I put on almost 20 pounds.

It was a rough 365 days. I was DEPRESSED. I was anxious. I was self-conscious. I was hypocritical. I was in no way my best self. I let my feelings of self-loathing seep in to my marriage and create a small gap between my husband and I. I blamed him for the things that I wasn't doing to keep up with my house. I used my side business against him, using the 2 jobs as a way to make him do everything around the house. He never once complained...which I love him so much for! But I KNOW that I was WRONG to do that! I could go on and on, airing every piece of dirty laundry to you all, but I won't.

Instead, I will ask your forgiveness and ask you to simply keep reading.

 I want this year to be magical! I want to shine and I want to help you shine also! I want to remember who I am, why I am here, and prepare myself emotionally, physically and mentally for my next chapter of life! Parenthood! (No, this is not an announcement! But believe me...when the time comes to announce it you will know!) I want to make these changes with you there as a support system. God put us here on this earth for each other! We are supposed to help, encourage, and love. I want to be that for you, as much as I hope you will be that for me. 

My second conclusion is this...I want to have the blog be an entire synopses of my life. I want to post about all kinds of things: weight loss, feelings of inadequacy, exercise, recipes, religion, love, hope, family, and many, many other things.

I hope you keep reading.
I WILL keep posting.

The Magical Year of Change...

My sister and I, while eating at Cheesecake Factory one warm July evening right before my birthday, decided that this was going to be our year. She had just turned 42, and I was about to turn 24. It was a magical thing. We decided this would be the year that we would conquer our fears, put bad habits to rest, and make our lives beautiful.

That was 6 months ago, and I can't say that I have lived up to my end of the deal.

There are so many things I want to be able to do in my life. I want to cook more. I want to photograph my life, and keep memories and people alive. (Not just the memories of my clients.) I want to become a more kind, gracious being as I begin my journey into womanhood. I want to turn 25 and be happy with where I am in the world.

I love to write. I have always known I would write a book at some point in my life, and I have always kept a very detailed journal since I could pick up a pen. However, the past few years have been full of disappointment, illness and stress. In the midst of the commotion, I put my pen down and opted to only write when professors demanded it.

That is changing now. I will blog. I vow to do this at least 3 times a week.

It will be full of inspiration, hope, disappointment, fear, laughter and love.

A book can wait. For now, blogging will have to do.