Sick.

After calling in to work on Thursday I calculated in my mind how many times I had been sick in the past six months. 6 times. That's once a month. It's ridiculous. Lately I have felt like as soon as I get over a bout of the flu or a cold, I am sick again.

This 3-day hiatus I have taken from work has not just been about getting better physically. I have taken several hours over the past few days to look at the Weight Watchers website and I have found many success stories that show proof of constant illness as being a result of obesity. It has opened my eyes to the many ways in which this weight is affecting in my life.

I am sick of the guilt that results in my calling in and leaving work early.I am sick of the headaches and body-aches and stuffy noses and mucus and, well, you name it, that are coming from my body not being in a healthy place.

I am sick of the depression and anxiety I feel, and the worry I have that is constantly affecting my daily living, not to mention my marriage. If I were Eli, I wouldn't want to deal with my ups and downs and constant need of reassurance. I know all of these things are physical and mental attributes of being over weight and feeling very insecure. Even though I caught the guy, it doesn't mean he has to stick around.

I feel that I put on a pretty good show, but in all honesty, I am pretty down inside. I love myself, but I sure don't like myself much.

I am sure I will be ridiculed and questioned a million times upon return to Wally World, but the truth is, I needed to take this time to get some things together so that I can steadily work toward a better me. A happier and healthier me, both physically and mentally.

Life is meant to be enjoyed...especially this time of life!
I'm a newly-wed for crying out loud! :)