The Year of Self-Discovery

I have been thinking a lot these past two weeks about what to make of this blog. Do I continue to only have it be about my husband and I's day to day life? Do I include weight-loss in it? Do I make a whole other blog for the weight/exercise area of my life? What to do...

I came to two conclusions. One is that I failed you all last year. I failed myself, also. I took this amazing 365 days of my life and wasted almost every one of them as far as being accountable for my actions weight-wise. I am ashamed to say that not only did I not lose the weight I wanted to last year, I put on almost 20 pounds.

It was a rough 365 days. I was DEPRESSED. I was anxious. I was self-conscious. I was hypocritical. I was in no way my best self. I let my feelings of self-loathing seep in to my marriage and create a small gap between my husband and I. I blamed him for the things that I wasn't doing to keep up with my house. I used my side business against him, using the 2 jobs as a way to make him do everything around the house. He never once complained...which I love him so much for! But I KNOW that I was WRONG to do that! I could go on and on, airing every piece of dirty laundry to you all, but I won't.

Instead, I will ask your forgiveness and ask you to simply keep reading.

 I want this year to be magical! I want to shine and I want to help you shine also! I want to remember who I am, why I am here, and prepare myself emotionally, physically and mentally for my next chapter of life! Parenthood! (No, this is not an announcement! But believe me...when the time comes to announce it you will know!) I want to make these changes with you there as a support system. God put us here on this earth for each other! We are supposed to help, encourage, and love. I want to be that for you, as much as I hope you will be that for me. 

My second conclusion is this...I want to have the blog be an entire synopses of my life. I want to post about all kinds of things: weight loss, feelings of inadequacy, exercise, recipes, religion, love, hope, family, and many, many other things.

I hope you keep reading.
I WILL keep posting.

I'm Back..this time for good.

I took a break.
I shouldn't have taken one, but life got in my way.
I spent the last two months going through some strange things.frustrations.emotions.etc.

Right now I feel the heaviest I have ever felt, not only physically, but emotionally too. I am lethargic, lazy, depressed, anxious, quick to anger, easily annoyed and most of all unhappy with life.

I have absolutely no reason to be this way...I have an amazing husband who loves me and we are beginning to think about starting a family. We laugh, we love, we joke, and most of all we just spend time together. So what gives?!

I am not sure why life has become this way for me, but I refuse to "fix" it with pills, creams, drops, etc. I am not syaing there is anything wrong with those methods, but I really want to find a way to get through this without relying on medication. I want to talk it out, cry, scream, cry some more, eat ice cream, sleep it off, whatever I have to do just be happy again.

The weight loss is taking a break...the therapy is beginning.

I want to be completely honest on this blog. I want to write to help others that may be going through similar things. Therefore, I am declaring this a negative-free zone.

I may at times talk about my faith, my religion, and my spirituality. If you are offended by these topics, you are free to leave the page. You are not free to make negative comments, or disrespect any of the views expressed here. There is something that I have found within me during these dark days, and that is my voice. I will stand up for my beliefs even though most of those around me do not share them. It is time to be true to myself.

Stay tuned as I explore the reasons behind my discouragement with weight and my search for my true self. The happy me that is buried deep down inside somewhere.