Sick.

After calling in to work on Thursday I calculated in my mind how many times I had been sick in the past six months. 6 times. That's once a month. It's ridiculous. Lately I have felt like as soon as I get over a bout of the flu or a cold, I am sick again.

This 3-day hiatus I have taken from work has not just been about getting better physically. I have taken several hours over the past few days to look at the Weight Watchers website and I have found many success stories that show proof of constant illness as being a result of obesity. It has opened my eyes to the many ways in which this weight is affecting in my life.

I am sick of the guilt that results in my calling in and leaving work early.I am sick of the headaches and body-aches and stuffy noses and mucus and, well, you name it, that are coming from my body not being in a healthy place.

I am sick of the depression and anxiety I feel, and the worry I have that is constantly affecting my daily living, not to mention my marriage. If I were Eli, I wouldn't want to deal with my ups and downs and constant need of reassurance. I know all of these things are physical and mental attributes of being over weight and feeling very insecure. Even though I caught the guy, it doesn't mean he has to stick around.

I feel that I put on a pretty good show, but in all honesty, I am pretty down inside. I love myself, but I sure don't like myself much.

I am sure I will be ridiculed and questioned a million times upon return to Wally World, but the truth is, I needed to take this time to get some things together so that I can steadily work toward a better me. A happier and healthier me, both physically and mentally.

Life is meant to be enjoyed...especially this time of life!
I'm a newly-wed for crying out loud! :)

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Starting weight: 256
Current weight: 255
Total lost: 1 lb

Here I am, a week later and a pound lighter!

I know some of you may be thinking, "one pound..that's all?"

Honestly though, one pound is pretty good considering I have had a hard time adjusting this week.

I started with Teresa on Thursday and we got our accounts set up. I went grocery shopping that night and bought all kinds of yummy healthy food like Oroweat sandwich thins, Kashi GoLean Cereal, fruits, veggies, salad, low-fat cheese and lunch meat, and other healthy treats to help me when I need a snack at night. (My new favorite thing is 94% fat free kettle corn!)

I will say that I stayed on plan about half of the time this week, but I did order pizza with Eli twice, and we went out for Mexican once during that time. I don't know why I am having a little bit of a harder time getting motivated this week, but I am attributing some of it to the gloomy January blues. January makes me all dark and twisty inside, and I long to stay wrapped up in my warm bed all day. This also makes me want to eat continually.

I am going to start doing a workout video that helped me lat year when I was all gung-ho about losing. It's called "Leslie Sansone's Walk Firm and Fast 4 Mile workout," (costs about $9.00 at your local Walmart Super-center.) There are 3 miles that you can walk, with a warm up mile, a fast paced mile, and a mile that includes strength training. The entire video is about 65 minutes long, but you can stop at any time and skip straight to the cool down. I like it because she incorporates various aerobic moves while you are walking so you can tone up at the same time. I plan on beginning that DVD tomorrow, and we will see if that helps at all.

All in all, I am still excited about this journey and I plan to do it wisely...I don't want to lose all of the weight quickly and have it come right back on if I ever cheat or have a bad spell.

I hope you are all still reading and continue to do so...I am loving the posts I write because not only am I weighing in to Teresa, I'm weighing in to the world!

New Journey.

It has been almost 2 full years since I have posted anything. I cannot believe how much my life has changed in the past 20 months. I met and married my best friend Eli Smith, and I have started a wonderful life with him.

I am happy in every aspect of my life, except one. As many of you know I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I have yo-yo'd from sizes 10-20 throughout the past 10 years. I am a very happy person, full of love and laughter, but this part of me, this negativity, has to come to an end.

My mother-in-law Teresa and I are joining Weight Watchers tomorrow and beginning our road to healthier lifestyles. I am going to update this blog weekly to help stay focused throughout my personal journey. Feel free to join me, or to watch as my life transforms throughout the next year.

The beat part of all is that my husband loves me so much the way that I am. He doesn't care if I weigh 95 lbs, or 399 lbs. This is a goal I have set for myself, so that as I begin to prepare to start a family, I can be in a healthier position to carry and take care of a child. I feel that because I am being supprted, and not pushed into this decision, that I will be able to stay focused on my goal and steadily work toward it.

I am ready to make the commitment to live and be healthier.

Here is my "before" picture. I am currently in a size 20, and weigh 256 pounds.
I am not afraid to share this with the world, it's only down hill from here. :)



I will update each Thursday as I weigh in to track my progress as I go, and I will post a picture after every 10 pounds I lose.

See you next week!

The #1 Question Asked

I swear, I have never had so many people ask me what I am going to do next! Is it so bad to want to just chill for a year and not think about that yet? I have a good job right now, Wal-Mart treats me well, believe it or not, and I am pretty happy with my life at the moment. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to work here forever, but for now it is nice to know that when everyone is getting ready to go back to school in the fall I won't have to think about it!

In other news, I am LOVING Customer Service! It is such a nice change from what I was doing before! I am just happy with life. I am so glad that I can think about myself for awhile and set some realistic goals and get myself in shape both physically and mentally.

Life is so good! <3

One more week...

Here I sit in the Hub listening to John Mayer and trying to study. I have 3 papers to turn in and a final, and then I will be officially done! Graduated! Diploma in hand! It has been the longest road I have taken, and it will be the best accomplishment so far in my little life. I never thought I would get here, and I am proud of myself for finishing something! My professors have all been gracious and given us extra time to complete things, so the only excuse I could possibly have to not get things done would be my own laziness. I will do this. I can do this!

Five years ago if you would have asked me where I would be on this day, I probably would have said graduated and married with a good teaching job. Life is nowhere near that - but I am happy. I am getting there, slowly!

I am so glad that I have good parents who have supported my decisions and love me no matter what. They are the best.

Now - back to studying!

Christmas Tears

Last Christmas I spent the entire day on the computer trying to convince my "boy friend" not to be done with me and try to work things out. I spent the night wrapped in a banket on my couch - crying myself to sleep...

This year I spent my Christmas with family and friends. We frosted cookies and ate a delicious lunch at home, and afterward I drove up to Logan and spent the evening with great friends. When I got home, I cried on my bathroom floor for about an hour - full of so many emotions and not able to express any of them the way i really needed to.

I'm not sure why I feel like I need to share this information with the world. Perhaps I am beginning to realize the truth. There are so many reasons to cry, so many different kinds of pain, and so many ways to love. Especially around the holidays.

I hope your Christmas was Merry & Bright.

The Magical Year of Change...

My sister and I, while eating at Cheesecake Factory one warm July evening right before my birthday, decided that this was going to be our year. She had just turned 42, and I was about to turn 24. It was a magical thing. We decided this would be the year that we would conquer our fears, put bad habits to rest, and make our lives beautiful.

That was 6 months ago, and I can't say that I have lived up to my end of the deal.

There are so many things I want to be able to do in my life. I want to cook more. I want to photograph my life, and keep memories and people alive. (Not just the memories of my clients.) I want to become a more kind, gracious being as I begin my journey into womanhood. I want to turn 25 and be happy with where I am in the world.

I love to write. I have always known I would write a book at some point in my life, and I have always kept a very detailed journal since I could pick up a pen. However, the past few years have been full of disappointment, illness and stress. In the midst of the commotion, I put my pen down and opted to only write when professors demanded it.

That is changing now. I will blog. I vow to do this at least 3 times a week.

It will be full of inspiration, hope, disappointment, fear, laughter and love.

A book can wait. For now, blogging will have to do.