3 weeks down

Lost: 16 lbs

Gained: A new love for fruit and vegetables.  A feeling of empowerment.  A new confidence.  The ability to say "no." The ability to eliminate (most) excuses. 

Well it has been an interesting few weeks. I feel so DANG good.  I am happy to report that I have not eaten one treat/baked good/sugar soda since I found out.  It feels amazing to gain control over something that has weakened me for so long. 

Once, a long time ago,  someone told me that people who make excuses are useless.  Whether or not that is true,  I think I am finally done with that phase of life.  I know I will have bad days,  but the energy that I feel now having lost this much weight so far is greater than my desire to give in to instant gratification.

Life is good.

I am starting to love my body. 

The D Word.

Throughout my whole life I have been warned of this horrible disease that aided in the death of my grandparents. I was reminded of it when my brother and my dad were both diagnosed. Every doctors visit would bring it up, and every time I got on the scale I would see it slowly creeping into my life.
I never worried about it, because it hadn't happened to me yet.

 Tipping the scale at my heaviest so far, last week my doctor said that we better get everything checked. I knew that it was coming. I think deep down I have known for a few months now, but like the human that I am, I chose to deny it so that I could continue my sugar- induced coma for a little longer.

Diabetes.

I feel exactly the same as I did 2 weeks ago. Finding out I had it felt much like waking up on one of those monumental birthdays. No change. Just a diagnosis, and a caution to take a pill, lose some weight, and stop eating candy/pop/delicious food.

So what do I do now? Do I let it take over my body and give myself insulin shots a million times a day, so that I can continue my Rocky Road to a premature death? That was my grandma's choice...and we lost her young. Much too young.

NO. No. no.

Today marks my 7th day sugar free, and it has been a tough ride so far.

By sugar free, I don't mean I am giving up bread or things like that, although I will be eating it less often than I do now. I mean no more treats, and no more Pepsi. More fruits and vegetables. Especially vegetables. Less red meat and more chicken and turkey. Less sitting, and more doing.

I needed a wake up call, and I got one.

So now, you get to see another transformation. And although this might be an extra long road, I am not going to let it get me down. I will enjoy this beautiful life and extend it as long as possible. I will share it with you, and become accountable for my actions. I will show you the road I travel down, and hope I touch some other people along the way.

My promises won't be empty any more...you can count on that.

I Survived!

 I survived last month with only a few small hints of the January Blues, which were squashed immediately like a bug! I found a few things out about myself since my New Year post that I would like to address and share with you here throughout the week, but I feel like they each need their own space. Maybe you can relate to them and give me some extra insight. That, after all, is what I truly feel this space is about. Sharing and learning and growing!

Before I begin telling you about my January, I want to do something that I did previously on this blog: a year in review post. I completed it once before, and since I was pretty absent on the blog in 2013, I thought this would be a great way for us to catch up!

So, without further ado...

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

- I got robbed. Our house was broken into and the thief took my laptop, a bunch of valuable other stuff, and took our car on a joyride to SLC where he crashed it into a Lexus going about 100 mph. I would rather not have to do that EVER again.
- I went to court (for said robbery).
- I bought a car without my parents involved - my husband was of course involved here. Meet Titus:

- I sewed my first rag quilt. It was my mom's Christmas present, and she loved it.

- I learned how to crochet.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 

I kept about half of the resolutions I made last year. I felt good about that. I made several more for this year, and I have high hopes! It's only February, you know.
 
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Once again this year several of my friends gave birth, but no one in my family did.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No one too close died in 2013, but I just lost a good friend to an auto accident about 3 weeks ago. Something that I hope to write about this week.
  
5. What countries did you visit?

None other than home.

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?


I would love to have reached some financial goals this year. I truly believe that we can pay off the medical debt we acquired if we can just buckle down and DO IT, man! I would love to use this year to become closer as a couple, and have at least one vacation under our belt by the end of the year.

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?


- June 1st: The ay we moved into our new apartment. I love this little home we have here.
- August 11th: The day we got robbed.
- September 15th: My very first fishing trip ever!

- October 14th: Our 2 year anniversary.
- December 25th: The best Christmas we have had so far The Christmas season was so wonderful this year, and I hope we can keep those traditions alive for years to come.



8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Moving and creating a better space for us to be a family.

9. What was your biggest failure?


I wouldn't say that I failed at anything, but I felt that I let Facebook and other technology invade our relationship too much. I want to definitely work on "disconnecting to reconnect" this year.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?


Nothing too exciting...just the normal flu and a kidney infection or two.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My new Brother sewing machine, and also Titus.

12. Where did most of your money go?


Bills and rent.

13. What did you get really excited about?


Deepening my relationship with my husband and spending time going on adventures and discovering new things.
.
14. What song will always remind you of 2013?


"Something Stupid" by Frank and Nancy Sinatra

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Definitely happier
Thinner or fatter? About the same
Richer or poorer? Poorer.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?


I wish I had spent more times in the outdoors enjoying nature with Eli.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?


Spending too much time online.

18. How did you spend Christmas?


We made every day of December into a holiday adventure. When it came to Christmas Day we split our time between the two families and it was great.

19. What was your favorite TV program?


 The Goldberg's, Grey's Anatomy, American Horror Story

20. What were your favorite books of the year?


Divergent, and Total Money Makeover


21. What was your favorite music from this year?


A lot of country.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?


The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Best movie I've seen in a long time.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?


We had a party in our backyard. It was awesome. I turned 28.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?


Getting pregnant.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?


Comfort is key, tee hee.

26. What kept you sane?


Laughing with Eli. Our kitties. Our new home. Family. Prayer.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

Don't forget to lock your back sliding door if you have one, and put a dowel down so no one can break in. Also. have a stash of easily accessible cash on hand. so if you get robbed you don't have to beg for money from your family until things get settled. :)

But in all seriousness, family and safety of loved ones is so much more important than any monetary or temporary thing in this world. Hold those you love tight.

New Year, New Me.

I can't believe 2013 is over. It flew by! Our Holidays were spent enjoying every minute of our time together, and we took complete advantage of the seasons offerings. In December we did something fun and festive every single night of the month. I can say without hesitation that it was the merriest Christmas we have had thus far being married.

Now that the tree is down and real life has to resume, it's time to take on some new challenges. I have managed to make some big resolutions in years past. and I have also managed to fail at each of them. Last year I only met one of my fitness goals, but I did do a few of the other things. I paid off 2 credit cards, I bought a dress I LOVE, I made a recipe book of my mom's amazing food, and I made a quilt. So apparently 2013 wasn't completely lost on me!

Let's make another Bucket List and see if we can cross them ALL off in 2014, shall we?

Bucket List 2014

- Drink 64 oz water a day.
- Walk/hike/bike 500 miles. (Then maybe walk 500 more. Da-da-duh-duh)
- Eat fruits or vegetables with every meal.
- ACTUALLY keep this thing up to date.
- Be positive and proud of myself and my body every single day, no matter what the scale says.
- Crochet a blanket.
- Pay off our medical bills.
- Live life intentionally.

I pray I have the willpower to complete this list!

Happy New Year to you all.

No one wants to admit it, but...

...I think that it is easy to become depressed, or anxious, or just plain jealous from the constant grip of social media. How many times on Facebook or Twitter do we see pictures of an old high school friend standing outside of their perfectly manicured giant-sized brand new home? Or perhaps a status update reading: "Hubby just landed the new job he's worked so hard for, complete with a magnificent raise! Thanks, dear for always putting the needs of our family first and working so hard! Now we can start planning that trip to Italy we have always dreamed of!" Or better yet, an old friend holding a baby in a hospital bed with makeup and perfect hair...the whole works...looking like she just got out of a modeling photo shoot, and in your head you are thinking, "Yeah right...I'm sure childbirth was really that good to you."

I may be slightly exaggerating with these descriptions, but you get the point. It is SO hard some days when you feel like everyone else has it better than you. You see these posts and updates revolving around everyone's successes, and it can be hard not to experience a pang of jealousy or a self-loathing thought. You feel like you will never have what it takes to be successful. I am in no way suggesting that people shouldn't post the amazing things happening in their lives to share them with their friends and families, but I do know how hard it can be to hear all of those things when you are in a tight spot financially, going through a divorce, or having medical difficulties.

These thoughts and feelings are normal.  It is perfectly normal to be jealous of that promotion someone else got, that million-dollar house, the dream vacation you have always wanted, or the baby you have been hoping for. Just don't let those feelings take over and allow you to question your own value and success, even if it is smaller in comparison to others. Don't feel SMALL. Don't allow yourself to spend time comparing...go out and make your own path to success.

I deal with depression and anxiety, and it is so easy for me to sit at the computer and watch everyone else live glamorous lives full of vacations and opportunities that I feel I will never get to have. In those times I forget how lucky I am to have such a great husband who loves and protects me. I forget that I have a steady job, and it enables me to pay my bills and put food on my table. I forget how creative and powerful I am if I will just focus on the positive, get off the darn computer, and get something done.

I fear we are wasting time looking into everyone's windows and seeing their accomplishments, instead of going out an accomplishing our own amazing things. I am going to challenge myself the rest of this month to spend at least 2 hours less on the computer a week, and spend that time doing something valuable. I think the extra 2 hours will look good on me, whatever I chose to do with them.

An Interesting Personality Discovery.

Tonight as I was blog surfing, I found a test that I decided everyone needs to take and also make their partner take. It's called the RHETTI sampler.  I took it, and realized some things about myself that I have been trying to push deep down inside; not embracing.

I have so many ideas in my brain telling me negative thoughts: "You're not ____" and "You're too_____" or "You're never going to be ____." To be perfectly honest, it is EXTREMELY exhausting listening to that all day long jumbling around in there. I just want to be happy in my skin, happy in my home, and happy in my head.

Finding this test and opening up my knowledge about my own needs, produced as judgment-free information, was just what I needed at the end of this long week. I am planning on having Eli take the test also so that we can better understand each other. There is an awesome section on relationships, and how to make your personality differences function in an effective and loving way. I hope you all go check it out...even if it's just for fun.

Just on case you were wondering, here are a few things about me (taken from the site):

The Helper (The Two)

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.
How to Get Along with Me

• Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
• Share fun times with me.
• Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
• Let me know that I am important and special to you.
• Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships
• Reassure me that I am intersting to you.
• Reassure me often that you love me.
• Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Two

• being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
• knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
• being generous, caring, and warm
• being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
• being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a Two

• not being able to say no
• having low self-esteem
• feeling drained from overdoing for others
• not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
• criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
• being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
• working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Twos as Children Often

• are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
• try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
• are outwardly compliant
• are popular or try to be popular with other children
• act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
• are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)

Twos as Parents

• are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
• are often playful with their children
• wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
• can become fiercely protective

I Found a Friend!

Well...we technically aren't actual friends yet, and she is further along in her journey than I am, but I know she will end up being someone I look to for support. 

Check her out...

http://halfthewomaniwas.blogspot.com/

Hopefully when I am feeling unmotivated, I can go to her page for some encouragement!