No one wants to admit it, but...

...I think that it is easy to become depressed, or anxious, or just plain jealous from the constant grip of social media. How many times on Facebook or Twitter do we see pictures of an old high school friend standing outside of their perfectly manicured giant-sized brand new home? Or perhaps a status update reading: "Hubby just landed the new job he's worked so hard for, complete with a magnificent raise! Thanks, dear for always putting the needs of our family first and working so hard! Now we can start planning that trip to Italy we have always dreamed of!" Or better yet, an old friend holding a baby in a hospital bed with makeup and perfect hair...the whole works...looking like she just got out of a modeling photo shoot, and in your head you are thinking, "Yeah right...I'm sure childbirth was really that good to you."

I may be slightly exaggerating with these descriptions, but you get the point. It is SO hard some days when you feel like everyone else has it better than you. You see these posts and updates revolving around everyone's successes, and it can be hard not to experience a pang of jealousy or a self-loathing thought. You feel like you will never have what it takes to be successful. I am in no way suggesting that people shouldn't post the amazing things happening in their lives to share them with their friends and families, but I do know how hard it can be to hear all of those things when you are in a tight spot financially, going through a divorce, or having medical difficulties.

These thoughts and feelings are normal.  It is perfectly normal to be jealous of that promotion someone else got, that million-dollar house, the dream vacation you have always wanted, or the baby you have been hoping for. Just don't let those feelings take over and allow you to question your own value and success, even if it is smaller in comparison to others. Don't feel SMALL. Don't allow yourself to spend time comparing...go out and make your own path to success.

I deal with depression and anxiety, and it is so easy for me to sit at the computer and watch everyone else live glamorous lives full of vacations and opportunities that I feel I will never get to have. In those times I forget how lucky I am to have such a great husband who loves and protects me. I forget that I have a steady job, and it enables me to pay my bills and put food on my table. I forget how creative and powerful I am if I will just focus on the positive, get off the darn computer, and get something done.

I fear we are wasting time looking into everyone's windows and seeing their accomplishments, instead of going out an accomplishing our own amazing things. I am going to challenge myself the rest of this month to spend at least 2 hours less on the computer a week, and spend that time doing something valuable. I think the extra 2 hours will look good on me, whatever I chose to do with them.

An Interesting Personality Discovery.

Tonight as I was blog surfing, I found a test that I decided everyone needs to take and also make their partner take. It's called the RHETTI sampler.  I took it, and realized some things about myself that I have been trying to push deep down inside; not embracing.

I have so many ideas in my brain telling me negative thoughts: "You're not ____" and "You're too_____" or "You're never going to be ____." To be perfectly honest, it is EXTREMELY exhausting listening to that all day long jumbling around in there. I just want to be happy in my skin, happy in my home, and happy in my head.

Finding this test and opening up my knowledge about my own needs, produced as judgment-free information, was just what I needed at the end of this long week. I am planning on having Eli take the test also so that we can better understand each other. There is an awesome section on relationships, and how to make your personality differences function in an effective and loving way. I hope you all go check it out...even if it's just for fun.

Just on case you were wondering, here are a few things about me (taken from the site):

The Helper (The Two)

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.
How to Get Along with Me

• Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
• Share fun times with me.
• Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
• Let me know that I am important and special to you.
• Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships
• Reassure me that I am intersting to you.
• Reassure me often that you love me.
• Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Two

• being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
• knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
• being generous, caring, and warm
• being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
• being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a Two

• not being able to say no
• having low self-esteem
• feeling drained from overdoing for others
• not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
• criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
• being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
• working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Twos as Children Often

• are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
• try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
• are outwardly compliant
• are popular or try to be popular with other children
• act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
• are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)

Twos as Parents

• are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
• are often playful with their children
• wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
• can become fiercely protective

I Found a Friend!

Well...we technically aren't actual friends yet, and she is further along in her journey than I am, but I know she will end up being someone I look to for support. 

Check her out...

http://halfthewomaniwas.blogspot.com/

Hopefully when I am feeling unmotivated, I can go to her page for some encouragement!

Reasons

These past couple weeks have been kind of hard. We have all had such stressful, strange schedules that we haven't seemed to have time to get the gym together. I have been using my recumbent bike as much as I can., but I will admit I haven't been too faithful at it.

A couple of weeks ago I made a list of the differences I felt after just one week of working out. I figured I should probably stick it on the blog! I am not exaggerating in any way when I say that things changed DRASTICALLY after just one week. Here's the list.

- I lost 2 pounds.
- My clothes fit looser.
- I had a tremendous amount of energy.
- I was satisfied with only 6-7 hours of sleep a night and didn't feel fatigued or sleepy during the day.
- I was more agile and limber after doing around 300 crunches each time we went.
- I didn't have the cravings for sweet treats that I usually get.
- I was able to easily stay in my calorie range each day.
- Things were better in the [ahem] bedroom.

Those are some major improvements to my life in such a small amount of time. Imagine if I went to the gym for a whole year! I would be a super woman! I am just grateful that I started going and have seen results so quickly. I know that the ultimate goal is weight loss, but honestly the energy boost is almost the best thing so far.

I need to kick it up a notch this week and keep all of these things in mind when I feel myself slipping up on my routine. I will keep you posted! I just got two of the Biggest Loser books and I think I will be posting some of the tips and info here for you all to benefit from!

The Year of Self-Discovery

I have been thinking a lot these past two weeks about what to make of this blog. Do I continue to only have it be about my husband and I's day to day life? Do I include weight-loss in it? Do I make a whole other blog for the weight/exercise area of my life? What to do...

I came to two conclusions. One is that I failed you all last year. I failed myself, also. I took this amazing 365 days of my life and wasted almost every one of them as far as being accountable for my actions weight-wise. I am ashamed to say that not only did I not lose the weight I wanted to last year, I put on almost 20 pounds.

It was a rough 365 days. I was DEPRESSED. I was anxious. I was self-conscious. I was hypocritical. I was in no way my best self. I let my feelings of self-loathing seep in to my marriage and create a small gap between my husband and I. I blamed him for the things that I wasn't doing to keep up with my house. I used my side business against him, using the 2 jobs as a way to make him do everything around the house. He never once complained...which I love him so much for! But I KNOW that I was WRONG to do that! I could go on and on, airing every piece of dirty laundry to you all, but I won't.

Instead, I will ask your forgiveness and ask you to simply keep reading.

 I want this year to be magical! I want to shine and I want to help you shine also! I want to remember who I am, why I am here, and prepare myself emotionally, physically and mentally for my next chapter of life! Parenthood! (No, this is not an announcement! But believe me...when the time comes to announce it you will know!) I want to make these changes with you there as a support system. God put us here on this earth for each other! We are supposed to help, encourage, and love. I want to be that for you, as much as I hope you will be that for me. 

My second conclusion is this...I want to have the blog be an entire synopses of my life. I want to post about all kinds of things: weight loss, feelings of inadequacy, exercise, recipes, religion, love, hope, family, and many, many other things.

I hope you keep reading.
I WILL keep posting.

Mom Time and a Girls Night.

The past couple of days have been pretty nice. I got to have both days off with Eli this week, so I spent the first day with him, and the second day with the girls!

Eli is starting to get sick, so we spent most of our day at home being lazy. We went to lunch, but then came home and took a 5 hour nap! Man it felt awesome! We just spent the rest of the night indoors hanging out and spending time together.

This morning my day started with Olive Garden and "Les Miserables" with my mom! We also went to the mall and shopped a little. I'm so grateful to have a mom who has the same interests that I do. We are best friends, and she makes my life so much brighter!

Here we are at my wedding:

We look noting alike on the outside, but on the inside we are almost identical. :)

After she left today, my friends Jana, Tausha, Sarah and I all went out to dinner at Texas Roadhouse!
It was a much needed girls night out. We had a lot of fun laughing, talking, and most importantly, eating yummy food! It was much needed, and I hope we can keep up our promise to do it once a month.

Here are a few pics from the night:

Tausha and Sarah

Jana and Sarah

All four of us...kinda. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jana and I 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Year, Part 2: Bucket List!

I have decided, based upon a review of my last 27.5 years of living, that new year resolutions are just not my thing. I say I am going to make them, and I do make them, but in about 2 months I forget about their existence until I come upon them one day in late December. When I do find said resolutions, I immediately feel like a waste of space because I never keep them! So this year a new form of "resolution" is born: My New Year Bucket List.

I am going to make my Bucket List centered around the things that I want to do before the year is up. That way it will be more like a "Carpe Diem" experience, rather than something that I "have" to do.

So,without further ado...

The Bucket List: 2013

- Run 1 mile straight. ( I am hoping to be able to do more than just one mile, perhaps a 5k, but I don't want to get ahead of myself.)
- Do a sit up (or several of them) without having someone hold my feet.
- Hike all the major canyon trails around Cache Valley.
- Sew a quilt for Eli and I's bed.
- Pay off at least 2 credit cards.
- Make an organized recipe book of all my mom's amazing eats.
- Cook at least 5 nights out of any given week. 
- Learn how to substitute wholesome, fresh ingredients without changing the taste/quality of our food.
- Buy a dress that I feel and look amazing in.
- Read the complete unabridged version of Les Miserables.
- Utilize this blog in a way that, when looked at in December can give you a detailed version of our little lives throughout the year!

I know there are several more things I wants to do and will do in 2013, but I can't think of them all at the moment. I may add them as I go. I am just excited to start the year out with goals and direction!

I will leave you with a few quotes to help me stay motivated:
 

New Year: Part 1

Happy New Year, everyone! 

I found this questionnaire on a friend's blog and I thought I would go ahead and fill it out. I've always loved survey things like this, especially back in high school. (Which may have resulted in my dad finding out about my tattoo, accidentally of course! We still laugh about that one at my house.)

Anyhow, here goes nothing!

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?

I had quite a few firsts, considering I got married just last year.
- I had my first birthday as a married woman.
- Celebrated my first anniversary.
- Went to Vegas without my parents.
- Got paid good/legit money to shoot a wedding.
- Kept my business running throughout the whole year. I didn't have one month last year without a session.
- Took my first pregnancy test. (Negative)
 - Paid off a credit card!
- Many more firsts, I'm sure.


2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 

I honestly didn't make any New Year's resolutions last year, but I have come up with several this year and I mean to stick with them.
 
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

It seems as if everyone around me is giving birth right now! I have several friends at work that had their babies, and another 2 that are due here in the next couple of months.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

I can't say that I was close to anyone who died this year, but several people from high school died just in the past couple of months. It's been a rough cancer year,
  
5. What countries did you visit?

Just the good ol' U S of A. :)

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?


I would like to gain control over my body, because last year I just didn't follow through. I had so many things emotionally and mentally going on that I didn't complete my goals. However, I joined a gym this month and I am planning on sticking with it. After just a couple of weeks going, I have so much more energy and strength in my muscles. I am definitely a happier person. If I can have those results in a week or two, I can't wait to see what can happen in a year. I hope to also leave 2013 with a bun in the oven! :)

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?


The day we headed to Vegas! Just because it is so new and fresh for us to go on vacations without our families, just the 2 of us! Oh and our anniversary! I got my wedding band as a gift and it is beautiful!:)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I'd have to say my biggest achievement this year was joining a gym! I feel so great so far...I hope I can stick with it and become healthier!

9. What was your biggest failure?


I feel that I have 2. The first one was bad budgeting. I could have paid off a big chunk of our debt, but we weren't wise with our money so it didn't happen. I do believe this year will be better though. The second one was letting my depression get the better of me early on in the year. I spent the first few months of the year in a big slump and I feel bad for not taking care of it sooner. All better now, however!.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?


I have never had a kidney infection until this year, and I ended up with 3! I also have had minor flu/bronchitis type illnesses. Depression counts too.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Hands down - my Dyson vacuum, and my Silhouette Cameo.

12. Where did most of your money go?


Rent and food and our vacation.

13. What did you get really excited about?


All the firsts of being married
.
14. What song will always remind you of 2012?


Highwayman by The Outlaws. We listen to this constantly...on every road trip. :) Love me some Outlaws!

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? I'd say more focused on my goals, therefor happier that I have direction.
Thinner or fatter? Gained 15 lbs this year. :(
Richer or poorer? About the same.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?


Exercised, and just enjoyed life a little better instead of stressing constantly about things I can't change.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?


Dwell on things I can't change.

18. How did you spend Christmas?


Split between our two parents' houses. It was awesome this year. There was no rush and we got to spend plenty of time with each family.

19. What was your favorite TV program?


 Grey's Anatomy,

20. What were your favorite books of the year?


The Glass Castle

21. What was your favorite music from this year?


Old Country...The Outlaws, Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, etc. I also found a love for Mumford & Sons.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?


Les Misreables, Twilight, The Hobbit, Skyfall, Batman.

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?


Went to Sizzler with the family and worked. My husband had flowers delivered to me there. Awww.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?


Weight loss. Paying off debt.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?


Non-existent.

26. What kept you sane?


My amazing husband and his ability to talk me down from any situation and anxiety attack. He's the bee's knees.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.

I learned that I need to stand up for myself more with those around me, and value my own opinion so that other people will value it also. I also learned that sometimes it is important to just be grateful for the stable job you have...some people out there do not have a job at all. 

Oh where, oh where can we be?!

Wow, blog world, long time, no see! I cannot believe it has been 7 months since I last posted! Things have been crazy and busy and hectic, and I just haven't taken the time to sit down and update the world on our little lives! However, tonight is different. Tonight I will make an attempt to catch you all, and myself, up! 

So we left off in May. May was insane! I had  2 weddings to shoot the end of May, and a trip to Vegas at the beginning of June! It was definitely a busy summer for me and the Photog, :) My camera and I have spent many a day together this year making happy memories. 

So the last 2 weeks in May I did this: 

and this: 

 
And then, then first week in June, Eli and I hopped into out tiny car and drove here:

We came home from Vegas and had a bunch of Birthday Hoopla in July, because we have 4 birthdays that month including ourselves! Eli turned the big 3-0 (gasp!) on the 8th, and I turned 27 on the 11th. His dad and my mom also have birthdays that month.

Also, in June and July I had 2 more of these:

August brought more family photos and fun! I experienced my first Demolition Derby, we went to the County Fair, and we had our niece Zoe sleep over to give us a taste of parenting! I also spent quite a bit of time catching up on all those wedding edits.

With September came a lot of fall baking, more picture taking, and a few kidney infections.

This is my favorite picture of us! :)

October was our anniversary! One whole year being married! It wasn't as hard as everyone says it would be. Mostly we just had fun and got to love each other even more every day! He is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am so grateful to have a partner to walk through life with!
Instead of going away for our anniversary, we just took time off from work and took a few short day trips.

We went to Lava and Soda Springs:

We also met up with our favorite family from the UK! The Saunders'/Moreno family is like a second family to us. Each year Ron and Sheila come over the "Big Pond" to stay in America with their daughter Paula and her amazing little family! We are so blessed to be a part of their American world! :)

Frightmares with the bunch:

Rockin Out!

Megan is excited!

Sheila loves being a skeleton!

Me and my Sasquatch!

Us and Joel waiting in line for the Rocket

I'm not too excited.

We were the only ones going on the rides. :)

Ron and Sheila, Megan ahead of them, and us ahead of her.

The whole family. <3 br="br">

Colossus here we come!

Us and a strange zombie girl waiting for the Spider!

Riding the Skycoaster! 

November went quickly while we got ready for Christmas and worked hard all through the Thanksgiving holiday, We didn't even get to have a proper meal because we worked different shifts. However, we are so grateful for our employment even of it puts a damper on the holidays.

December brought us Christmastime! We drove around many nights looking at the gorgeous Christmas lights in Cache Valley! I was able to go to a live Nativity with my Smith family and I got to meet a camel for the first time! It was an amazing moment in my life! He tried to eat my sleeve!

Me and my CAMEL!

We also went down to see the Brits again and had a fun night at Red Robin, followed by light-seeing in Roy and Layton!

My dad and Paula

The 2 Ron's!

Jordan, Mom and Adam

Julie and Paula

Adam, Julie and Jordan

Us with the Christmas Aslan.

Being ourselves. 

Pretty Roy lights.

My cute parents.

Cool tree!

Christmas was so good this year! We got spoiled and were able to spend the holidays with both of our families! I was sick with some cold/flu, but pretty much everyone was sick so we all suffered together. 

I am so grateful at this time of year for my wonderful family, both by blood and through Eli. I am just blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life right now! One of my many resolutions for 2013 is going to be to keep this blog updated weekly, so I can capture our little lives somewhere! We are hoping to have many things happen this year...including expanding our little world into 3. If all goes well this new year will be full of more firsts! 

We wish you all a very Happy Holiday! 
Love: The Smith's.