No one wants to admit it, but...

...I think that it is easy to become depressed, or anxious, or just plain jealous from the constant grip of social media. How many times on Facebook or Twitter do we see pictures of an old high school friend standing outside of their perfectly manicured giant-sized brand new home? Or perhaps a status update reading: "Hubby just landed the new job he's worked so hard for, complete with a magnificent raise! Thanks, dear for always putting the needs of our family first and working so hard! Now we can start planning that trip to Italy we have always dreamed of!" Or better yet, an old friend holding a baby in a hospital bed with makeup and perfect hair...the whole works...looking like she just got out of a modeling photo shoot, and in your head you are thinking, "Yeah right...I'm sure childbirth was really that good to you."

I may be slightly exaggerating with these descriptions, but you get the point. It is SO hard some days when you feel like everyone else has it better than you. You see these posts and updates revolving around everyone's successes, and it can be hard not to experience a pang of jealousy or a self-loathing thought. You feel like you will never have what it takes to be successful. I am in no way suggesting that people shouldn't post the amazing things happening in their lives to share them with their friends and families, but I do know how hard it can be to hear all of those things when you are in a tight spot financially, going through a divorce, or having medical difficulties.

These thoughts and feelings are normal.  It is perfectly normal to be jealous of that promotion someone else got, that million-dollar house, the dream vacation you have always wanted, or the baby you have been hoping for. Just don't let those feelings take over and allow you to question your own value and success, even if it is smaller in comparison to others. Don't feel SMALL. Don't allow yourself to spend time comparing...go out and make your own path to success.

I deal with depression and anxiety, and it is so easy for me to sit at the computer and watch everyone else live glamorous lives full of vacations and opportunities that I feel I will never get to have. In those times I forget how lucky I am to have such a great husband who loves and protects me. I forget that I have a steady job, and it enables me to pay my bills and put food on my table. I forget how creative and powerful I am if I will just focus on the positive, get off the darn computer, and get something done.

I fear we are wasting time looking into everyone's windows and seeing their accomplishments, instead of going out an accomplishing our own amazing things. I am going to challenge myself the rest of this month to spend at least 2 hours less on the computer a week, and spend that time doing something valuable. I think the extra 2 hours will look good on me, whatever I chose to do with them.

An Interesting Personality Discovery.

Tonight as I was blog surfing, I found a test that I decided everyone needs to take and also make their partner take. It's called the RHETTI sampler.  I took it, and realized some things about myself that I have been trying to push deep down inside; not embracing.

I have so many ideas in my brain telling me negative thoughts: "You're not ____" and "You're too_____" or "You're never going to be ____." To be perfectly honest, it is EXTREMELY exhausting listening to that all day long jumbling around in there. I just want to be happy in my skin, happy in my home, and happy in my head.

Finding this test and opening up my knowledge about my own needs, produced as judgment-free information, was just what I needed at the end of this long week. I am planning on having Eli take the test also so that we can better understand each other. There is an awesome section on relationships, and how to make your personality differences function in an effective and loving way. I hope you all go check it out...even if it's just for fun.

Just on case you were wondering, here are a few things about me (taken from the site):

The Helper (The Two)

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.
How to Get Along with Me

• Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
• Share fun times with me.
• Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
• Let me know that I am important and special to you.
• Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships
• Reassure me that I am intersting to you.
• Reassure me often that you love me.
• Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

What I Like About Being a Two

• being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
• knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
• being generous, caring, and warm
• being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
• being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a Two

• not being able to say no
• having low self-esteem
• feeling drained from overdoing for others
• not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
• criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
• being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
• working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Twos as Children Often

• are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
• try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
• are outwardly compliant
• are popular or try to be popular with other children
• act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
• are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)

Twos as Parents

• are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
• are often playful with their children
• wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
• can become fiercely protective